The Beginning

So, I thought I would share my struggles from what I have written in my journal in the past. I don't expect others to understand all that I have gone through, but hopefully this will shed some light and encourage a few people. I know that there is hope, and I believe in freedom. I am real, and this is me.

From March 9, 2010
How did I end up here? I didn't even know how bad things were. I guess I tried living in denial for so long, suppressing my pain, while my body was literally wasting away. How did I ever get down to 80 pounds? I do not even know how sick I really am. That's how I ended up here, at Magnolia Creek treatment center. This is what it means to hit rock bottom. To know true desperation. I know I am finally getting the help I need. I have neglected myself, my needs, and my body for far too long. I do have a voice, and now it is crying out in utter despair. I am desperate for a cure, for healing, for wholeness. O God! I am crying out for strength. I simply cannot fight ED and this battle on my own. I am tired of worrying about school, my parents' finances, work, the summer, the future, and everyone else's problems. I need to focus on myself now and get the help I deserve. God, I know you are there even when you feel so far away from me. WHy is it so hard for me to believe that? Help me to trust my treatment team. This has already been a long, hard journey and I am ready to be rid of ED. My eating disorder has taken control of every area of my life- my relationships, my friends, my family, my thoughts, my schoolwork, my internship...and now it is time for me to fight back!

So Here it goes...

So this is the beginning of my blogging experience. I am thrilled to share my journey with you...the triumphs and victories, the hardships and hangups, the highs and the lows. I am vulnerable. I am honest. I am blunt without regard to the opinions of others. This is who I am. This experience is for the purpose of sharing with you, the reader, of where I have been, where I am, and where I am going on this big beautiful road of life, and somehow bringing all the glory to God through the story of my life and my testimony. Through sharing, I am giving myself a voice. I am no longer hiding in the shadows of loneliness and isolation. Today I choose to live. Today I choose to be free. Today I choose to be vulnerable, to be willing to take chances and make mistakes. I am not perfect, and never intend to be. But God is perfect and He is more than enough to cover this lump of clay and create it into something beautiful. I know He has something great ahead for me. My destiny is marked. There is no looking back. I am pressing forward to my destiny. Will you join me?